Mello

1.Your name: Mello Fang

2. An Approved Topic: Can the people of Waknuk be forgiven for their horrible behavior? Defend or prosecute them. Thesis-The people of Waknuk should be prosecuted for their horrible behavior because they mistake the true meaning of their religion and treat innocent people in an inhumane way. Thesis is fine, but you can simplify it to this: The people of Waknuk should be prosecuted for their horrible behavior because they treat innocent people in an inhumane way.

Intro People can be forgiven for their wrongdoings for (<-- try without 'for') most of the time because everyone makes mistakes. But, those wrongdoings can sometimes cause great pains and miseries (<-- Try making pain and misery singular) to the others and make them suffer. Moreover, in some cases, knowing one self’s action is hurting the innocents she/he still continues the atrocity, such demeanor shall not be forgiven. For instance, in //The Chrysalids//, a book written by John Wyndham, the people (maybe instead of people, use community) of Waknuk discriminate the persons (people: replace it for the persons) with differences, they do not tolerate the existence of the disfigurements and even punish those with abnormalities without humanity. The people of Waknuk should be prosecuted because they treat innocent people in such an inhumane way.

Edited intro People can be forgiven for their wrongdoings most of the time because everyone makes mistakes. But, those wrongdoings can sometimes cause great pain and misery to the (<-- try without "the") others and make them suffer. Moreover, in some cases, knowing one self’s action is hurting the innocents she/he still continues the atrocity, such demeanor shall not be forgiven. For instance, in //The Chrysalids//, a book written by John Wyndham, the community of Waknuk discriminate people and other animals with differences, they do not tolerate the existence of the disfigurements and even punish those with abnormalities without humanity. The people of Waknuk should be prosecuted because they treat innocent people in such an inhumane way.

Body Paragraph 1

In the Waknuk district, people have sharp eyes for the odds. The discrimination against irregularities rises to such a level that even the left-handedness of David caused him a slight disapproval. Despite the fact that every human being should be treated fairly, putting one at a disadvantage just (<--use solely) because that (<--use the) person is left-handed is considered unreasonable (<--use intolerable instead of considered unreasonable) because it is an innate feature. Another example is Angus Morton, the owner of the large horses. He is being blamed by Joseph Strorm for bringing such abnormal creature (<-- plural) to Waknuk. Although those animals do no harm to human, do twice the work a regular sized horse can do and are produced simply by mating for size, the religious bigots of Waknuk find the horses inacceptable. Waknuk’s attitude and acceptance (<--try maybe unacceptance) toward differences is harsh. No one should be discriminated for their differences or bringing a change to the community.

3. Brainstorming Worksheet 4. Essay Outline 5. First Draft of your Essay 6. Peer Comments Camila, Omid , Hathan 7. Good Copy in MLA format

Person 1 - Introduction Paragraph It grabs your attention by starting of with a very open statement that people can be forgiven for there wrongdoings becasue we all make mistakes, people can realate to that, because it is true we do all, at some point make a few mistakes here and there. it then narrow's into the example from the novel which keeps your focus on to how she will develop her idea. Her intro is very strong development towards the whole essay, she states clearly what it is she is going to be argueing about, although i found the intro a little hard to follow at first, it is actuallt very informative as to what the body paragraphs are going to develope into.
 * 1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis?**
 * 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?**

Person 2 - Body Paragraphs
 * 1.How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters?**
 * 2.****How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?**

Person 3 - Concluding Paragraph
 * 1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary.**
 * 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending?**
 * 3.****How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?**