Willie

1. Your name Willie Jeong

2. Find a topic/thesis Discuss the idea of "deviation." What purpose does it serve? Thesis: The idea of deviation is used to represent modern day discrimination.

3. Brainstorming Worksheet Introductory Ideas Rough Copy: Discrimination is a major flaw in society because discrimination is used to gain power or use "and" to protect themselves. In the Chrysalids, Waknuk uses discrimination to regulate the religious belief of the people of Waknuk. This creates fear to the people of Waknuk by accusing their new born babies of being deviations. Deviations would be sent to the Fringes or they would be executed. John Wyndham uses the idea of deviation to represent modern day discrimination. ( Intro needs editing and restructuring: fluidity needs improvement, funnel par. needs structuring) ﻿﻿You are repeating discrimination too many times. Instead of repeating discrimination, try using words like "it is used to gain power". Also, use "because" to connect your sentances so it "flows" more. Instead of using "themselves",use words like to "protect certain people". It sounds more gramatically correct then "themselves"Try expanding on your ideas. Also, you start too specific in your intro. You need to "funnel" your intro.

Edited: Discrimination is found everywhere in our society. It's a major flaw in society because discrimination is used to gain power and to protect specific people in a negative way. In the Chrysalids, Waknuk uses discrimination to regulate the religious belief of the people of Waknuk. This creates distress to the people of Waknuk by accusing their new born babies of being deviations. Deviations would be sent to the Fringes or they would be executed. John Wyndham uses the idea of deviation to represent modern day discrimination. It's improving, but fluidity is still a challenge. Also, please read "quoting tips")

Edited #2: Discrimination is found everywhere in our society. Furthermore, it is a major flaw because discrimination is used to gain power and to protect specific people. Society utilizes this power to benefit themselves. For instance, in the Chrysalids, Waknuk uses bigotry to regulate the religious belief of the people of Waknuk. This creates distress to the people of Waknuk by accusing their new born babies of being deviations. The accusation is significant because deviations would be sent to the Fringes or they would be executed. The intolerance of difference is what starts the main conflict of this novel. For example, Aunt Harriet's baby has a small blemish, yet on the other hand, that blemish is what kills the baby or send her to the Fringes. The small but crucial difference is John Wyndham's way of representing current issues. The idea of deviation is used to represent modern day discrimination.

1st Body Argument: ﻿ Joseph Strorm uses discrimination to masquerade balance in religious fundamentals. Rough Copy: The religious fundamentals of David is depended on Joseph's bias. He uses his personal belief of religion to maintain a society that is believed to imitate the true image of God. This ideal is unrealistic because no one knows what God looks like. For instance, There is only a basic silhouette of his image. From what the reader knows, the deviations could be more similar to God's image compared to the people of Waknuk. However, Waknuk's society is under the impression that it has maintained religious balance by eliminating all the deviations, on the contrary, a genocide of deviations is the opposite of religion. A genocide of deviations is similar to modern day discrimination because our society attempts and succeeds at eliminating people who acts as an obstacle. This is a very long sentence, one word can be just as good as two. Revise, revise, revise!]]

2nd Body Argument: ﻿ How David's idea of deviations are changed throughout the story Rough Copy: Through the assistance of Joseph, David's perspective towards deviations changed. He accepted their differences after realizing he hasn't changed after he found out that he was also a deviation. Furthermore, he can connect his previous emotions towards deviations and feel sympathy for them because he can utilize his previous bias towards deviations to himself. Towards the end of the novel, David suggests that his perspective of deviations has completely reciprocated in the following quote. "Can't you guess, David? It's people. Lots and lots of our kind of people," suggests that David is recognizing that Sealand is full of people similar to David. They would all be deviations. In addition, Sealand is more techonologically advanced than Waknuk because Waknuk is too preoccupied with taking out deviation, yet on the other hand, Sealand is more technologically advanced because they learned to accept each other differences. The expression, "two heads are better than one," best explains Waknuk's advancement.

3rd Body Argument:

Conclusion Ideas How the ﻿world could improve if discrimination wasn't a major flaw. However, if there IS a society, discrimination would always exist. Rough Copy: In The Chrysalids, David and his group of telepaths are introduced to the idea that they are deviational because they have a gift that is not normally found in thier society. Therefore, they are discouraged to think that they are normal, however their gifts are an

4. Essay Outline 5. First Draft of your Essay 6. Peer Comments Group members Danilo - Introductory Paragraph Simin - Body Paragraph Alex - Concluding Paragraph

7. Good Copy in MLA format

Peer Comments:

Person 1 - Introduction Paragraph 1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?

Person 2 - Body Paragraphs 1.How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?

Person 3 - Concluding Paragraph 1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary. 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending? 3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?