Raghav

__//**Raghav**//__ 1.Your name 2. An Approved Topic 3. Brainstorming Worksheet 4. Essay Outline 5. First Draft of your Essay 6. Peer Comments Selin, Soha , Guneet. 7. Good Copy in MLA format

1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
 * Introductory Paragraph Questions:**

1.How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
 * Body Paragraphs Questions:**

1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary. 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending? 3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
 * Concluding Paragraph Questions:**

__//**Essay**//__

Thesis: The People of Wakunuk should be forgiven for their horrible behavior because their community is ignorant on how they are to treat people who are different. (good idea, but tough to prove, especially in 3 body pars. As is your thesis only requires 1 par.)

Textual Evidence:

“I’m telling you that nobody, //nobody// really //knows// what is the true image” -uncle axel

-The People Of Waknuk never had any previous teachings to follow __﻿Selin:__ Maybe you could be a little more precise with this. They've been taught to follow "Repentances" and other beleifs that may not necessarily be "right". They just haven't learned religious or school as we have. - The y ﻿ have never traveled farther than Newf. and learned of the ways of the people there.Therefore to begin to think that their own ways may be wrong. -Religion was their only guide,so they took so if the devil is the father of deviation, and the norm is the will of God. Only Norms should exist. I like this point :)
 * //__Main Points__//**

//__**Intro**__//: Nelson Mandela. Maybe change this sentence to the past tense like: 'Nelson Mandela was the first president of South Africa..' ( use a comma after Mandela and uncapitalize the 'f' and add 'the' to make it a proper sentence) First President of South Africa to be elected in a democratic election (how is your 1st sentence a sentence?). He served twenty-seven years in prison prior to his presidency, and when ﻿he was finally released, he forgave all the people who had wronged him. Not one moment of burning anger and resentment flared. Even when he knew ﻿ what the people had ﻿ done to him, and they did so knowingly. Maybe change that sentence to: 'Even though he knew that the people had sent him to prison knowing he did nothing wrong' (improve transition between sentences) In //The Chrysalids,// the people of waknuk never had any previous teachings to follow before Tribulation came. They never traveled farther than Newf ﻿. A comma should be used here and not a period and if they did, (they) never learned the ways of the people there so as to begin to think that thier (their) own may be wrong Maybe critisize their own customs/ways. Religion being thier (their) only guide, they (were) forced to accept nasty sayings such as "The Devil is the father of deviation" and " The Norm is the will of God" which led them to commit crimes ( your reader woudn't have read the book. what crimes???). In other words, (u) Unlike the white minority of South Africa, were ignorant, and so, Maybe take off the so because you have a lot of commas back to back should be forgiven. (2nd half of par. needs editing: phrasing and spelling)