soha

Soha

1.Your name 2. An Approved Topic 3. Brainstorming Worksheet 4. Essay Outline 5. First Draft of your Essay 6. Peer Comments Guneet Raghav Selin 1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
 * Introductory Paragraph Questions:**

1.How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
 * Body Paragraphs Questions:**

1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary. 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending? 3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
 * Concluding Paragraph Questions:**

7. Good Copy in MLA format __**Topic:**__ #3 __**thesis:**__ people of waknuk are using religion as an exuse to justify their actions and values.

good thesis, but try: The people of waknuk use religion as an exuse to justify their actions and values.

Religion is an institution to express belief in a divine power. It encourages people to be united .It promotes peace between all the people no matter how different they are. Religion is also a big part of lives of The people of Waknuk (if i have not read the novel, how will i know what Waknuk is? . However it’s been used against the main rules of the (the is not needed) religion. It’s been used as a reason to kill or torture people that don’t f ﻿o llow the society’s norms, in Waknuk. (You do not need to say "in waknuk", after you've said society's, You could try "Waknuk's Norms") The people of Waknuk use religion as an excuse to justify their actions and values. __﻿Selin:__ I think you could develop your intro a little more; it's a little short. Maybe you could rephrase the first sentence in the second line. Try using "Religon plays a big role in the lives of people in Waknuk". Check the sentence after that too. You might need to move some words around there. Other than those minor problems, it's a good intro :)
 * //__Introduction:__//**

Do not erase the previous paragraph. Write your new par. below

Religion is an institutiom to express belief in a divine power. It encourages people to be united and it promotes peace between all the people no matter how different they are. (I) in John Wyndham's novel, the chrysalids (use quotations or the italic font for proper nouns) religion is also a big part of lives of the people of the city of Waknuk. However, it's been used against the main rules of the religion. It's been used as a reason to kill or toture people that don't follow their norms. The people of Waknuk use religion as an excuse to justify their actions and values. I like it. Just a question, is Waknuk a city?? im not sure what you mean by asking that, but if you wanted for your information, Waknuk is a town **//__Introduction__//**
 * //__Introduction2:__//**

Religion is an institutiom to express belief in a divine power. It encourages people to be united and it promotes peace between all the people no matter how different they are. In John Wyndham's novel, //the chrysalids,// religion is also a big part of lives of the people of the city of Waknuk. ( Try "in Waknuk" instead of "of the city") (i think that there are too many the's, and of's. you could remove "the city", because waknuk is not a city.) However, it's been used against the main rules of the religion .(how do you know what the main rules are?and you dont know need "the:" before religion) It's been used as a reason to kill or toture people that don't follow their norms .(Nice.) The people of Waknuk use religion as an excuse to justify their actions and values.


 * __introduction__**

Religion is an institutiom I don't know if you would call religion an insitution to express belief in a divine power. It encourages people to be united and it promotes peace between all the people ﻿ no matter how different they are. In John Wyndham's novel, // the chrysalids, //  religion is also a big part of lives of the people of Waknuk. However, it's been used against the main purpose of most religions which are maybe 'is' instead of 'are' because you said 'main purpose' which is singular ﻿ peace and equality. It's been used as a reason to kill or toture people that don't follow their norms I'm pretty sure that in the book the norm means a normal person so I'm not sure it fits into that sentence. The people of Waknuk use religion as an excuse to justify their actions and values. I still think the intro is a bit short

__**1st body paragraph:**__ “But that doesn’t mean they’re right//.// I say a horse like that is not one of God’s creatures and if it isn’t his, then it’s an Offence, and should be destroyed as such.” Simply stated, Joseph Strorm ﻿who does not approve of the abnormally large horses. He does not believe they’re //right// because they’re not exactly his ultimate representation of a horse. It may appear that it’s the true image that concerns him, however he uses religion as an excuse to categorize the horses and discriminate them because of his ideal figure of a horse. Although the government has permitted the horses Joseph Strorm does not agree with them just because of their strange size, as many other people in Waknuk would. The people of Waknuk are so strict to their wrong beliefs, that they can’t stand any thing that is slightly different than what they think is right. -im not sure if its short i tried my best to use a specific topic and i have my topic sentence at the end :) ﻿I really like how you composed the paragraph! Great work! I think it's a good length. It depends on how much you're going to add onto your intro.

Of course the main issue, ﻿no comma needed here is the discrimination towards the ﻿try it without "the" deviations. But the attention-grabbing topic ﻿﻿"attention-grabbing topic"? I think you should use something else here instead is how they treat the un-norm which is abusing the religion ﻿which abuses religion in a different way. The people of Waknuk believe that whom does not look like them is not considered a human kind nor a devil but something from an evil kind ﻿ some evidence from the book would be suited here as I'm not so sure about this idea, and believe they should be killed so they won’t reproduce any mutants. The deviations are mostly caused by the nuclear gas in the DNA ﻿ maybe you should do some research as to how the nuclear fallout affects DNA, I'm not sure it's nuclear gas that's inside the people. Religion is being used as a reason to eliminate the people that have been affected by the  nuclear fussion  ﻿I don't know if "fussion" is the right word here; for reference, I used "fallout" it gives the people a chance to remove all the causes of the nuclear fussion ﻿ the deviations are not exactly the cause; they're more like the result, although they are humans and have the same rights as everyone else.// “Thou Shall Not Kill - Man shall reap that which he hast sown.  So be it the Law of Justice" //  (Exodus 20:13)  clearly no religion would suggest Murder, or even allow it. Especially not this case, where people are blamed for not what they did, but how  ﻿"what" they look like they look like. Another example of abusing the  ﻿no "the" religion in Waknuk is the torturous  ﻿ behavior towards the deviations.

the blue at the end is me, not raghav. i just cant change the clour ,it doesnt work for some reason.