Selin


 * __Thesis:__** The people of Waknuk should not be forgiven for their behaviour because of the disastrous consequences of their actions. good thesis

Thesis is workable, but it can be improved. Try: T he people of Waknuk should be forgiven for their actions because they were blinded by their prejudice towards deviations and blasphemies.

4. Essay Outline


 * __Intro:__** Devastation, injustice, bigotry, unnecessary deaths... (why do you end your sentence with an ellipsis? This is not an email or a text message, it's a formal essay!!!!!!!!!!!) These are only a few of the tragedies caused by the citizens of Waknuk. The people of Waknuk should not be forgiven for their behaviour because of the disastrous consequences of their actions. Their immoral behaviour has caused much suffering and irreversible damage to both people and the environment. They have destroyed too many lives by sending them to the Fringes and killing innocent children. They were living a life of ignorance and were unable to listen to the advice of others which indicate to them being unable to learn from their mistakes. If they are an unchangeable society and if( ﻿﻿If Is not really needed)  they continue to live the way they have for many years; they should not be given ﻿any more chances to change. Raghav: Great Ideas. But youre jumping into your thesis. Do not mention waknuk in the first 2 lines, Remember your funnel paragraph! (Raghav is right)

**__Intro #2:__** Have you ever wondered what life might be like in the future? Will we be a society with superior knowledge and complex technology we’ve never even dreamed of? Most of our ideas of the future are of an urban and robotic utopia, but is this what really awaits us? (according to the sheet mista A gave us, we are not supposed to use more than one question for the beginning of the intro) Thank you, someone is actually reading the sheets!!! In the Chrysalids, the future is portrayed resembling the past. It takes place in the primitive society of Waknuk after a nuclear war where devastation and injustice is a common occurrence. Deviations caused by the nuclear fall out are treated as though they’re not human beings. Bigotry and violent religious beliefs have caused many unnecessary deaths between the norms and deviations why are you giving plot summary? . The people of Waknuk should not be forgiven for their behaviour because of the disastrous consequences of their actions. Their immoral behaviour has caused much suffering and irreversible damage to both people and the environment. They have destroyed too many lives by sending them (try the deviations) to the Fringes and killing innocent children. They were living a life of ignorance and were unable to listen to the advice of others which indicate to them being unable to learn from their mistakes. If they are an unchangeable society and if they continue to live the way they have for many years; they should not be given more chances to change. <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 90%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">﻿(Is this intro too long?) <span style="color: #cb67b3; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 90%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">﻿good introduction, but its a bit too long. youre explaination of the novel at the beginning is a bit long. <span style="background-color: #000000; color: #00ffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 90%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">i don't think so. you supported your ideas thoroughly. :D

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 90%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">When one mentions the future; the first image that pops into our mind is usually of an urban and robotic utopia with knowledge and technology never dreamed of, but is this what really awaits us?Perhaps the future is more simplier than what we perceive. In //The Chrysalids//, the future is portrayed resembling the past. It takes place in the primitive society of Waknuk after a nuclear war where devastation and injustice is a common occurrence. Deviations caused by the nuclear fall out are treated as though they’re not human beings. Bigotry and violent religious beliefs have caused many unnecessary deaths between the norms and deviations. The people of Waknuk should not be forgiven for their behaviour because of the disastrous consequences of their actions<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #f46901; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 90%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">.(Thesis is in the middle, should be towards the end), Their immoral behaviour has caused much suffering and irreversible damage to both people and the environment. They have destroyed too many lives by sending the deviations to the Fringes and killing innocent children. They were living a life of ignorance and were unable to listen to the advice of others which indicate to them being unable to learn from their mistakes. If they are an unchangeable society and if they continue to live the way they have for many years; they should not be given more chances to change. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 90%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">﻿(I changed the beginning up a little to make it only one question but am I now jumping into the Chrysalids too early?) <span style="background-color: #000000; color: #00ffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 90%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">im not sure...but like it. You supported your arguement well and used formal words :D

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> When one mentions the future; the first image that pops into our mind is usually of an urban and robotic utopia with knowledge and technology never dreamed of, but is this what really awaits us? Perhaps the future is simplier than what we perceive. In //The Chrysalids//, the future is portrayed resembling the past. It takes place in the primitive society of Waknuk after a nuclear war where devastation and injustice is a common occurrence. Deviations caused by the nuclear fall out are treated as though they’re not human beings. Bigotry and violent religious beliefs have caused many unnecessary deaths between the norms and deviations. Their immoral behaviour has caused much suffering and irreversible damage to both people and the environment. They have destroyed too many lives by sending the deviations to the Fringes and killing innocent children. They were living a life of ignorance and were unable to listen to the advice of others which indicate to them being unable to learn from their mistakes. If they are an unchangeable society and if they continue to live the way they have for many years; they should not be given more chances to change. Therefore __the people of Waknuk should not be forgiven for their behaviour because of the disastrous consequences of their actions__.

<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> When one mentions the future, the image is usually of an urban and robotic utopia with knowledge and technology never dreamed of; however, is this what really awaits society? Perhaps the future is simpler than it is perceived. In //The Chrysalids//, the future is portrayed resembling the past. The setting is the primitive society of Waknuk after a nuclear war where devastation and injustice is common. Deviations caused by the nuclear fall out are treated as though they’re not human beings. Bigotry and violent religious beliefs have caused many unnecessary deaths between the norms and deviations. Their immoral behaviour has caused much suffering and irreversible damage to both people and the environment. They have destroyed too many lives by sending the deviations to the Fringes and killing innocent children. They were living a life of ignorance and were unable to listen to the advice of others which indicate to them being unable to learn from their mistakes. If they are an unchangeable society and if they continue to live the way they have for many years; they should not be given more chances to change. Therefore __the people of Waknuk should not be forgiven for their behaviour because of the disastrous consequences of their actions__.


 * __Body Paragrapghs:__**

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 110%; line-height: 115%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">In order to destroy deviations, the people of Waknuk would burn fields and crops, slaughter livestock, and murder or send people away to the Fringes. This is ridiculous behaviour that causes harm not only to the people but to the environment as well. Burning crops releases harmful fumes that can be hazardous to humans and it also releases carbon dioxide which is harmful to the environment and causes global warming. Once these toxins are released it’s impossible to reverse the damage that’s already been done. <span style="color: #f46901; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 110%; line-height: 115%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">﻿ ﻿﻿i think you're getting too much into global warming, The subject is just on how horrible waknuk is, they do this religiously, its not as bad as what happens to human beings. they are also burned,such as the women who gave birth to 3 deviations. present evidence from the book (im not too sure on this point) <span style="background-color: #000000; color: #00ffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 110%; line-height: 115%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">the babies were burnt not the mothers. the mothers were whipped

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 110%; line-height: 115%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">The people of Waknuk used to burn all deviations and that included babies.(Once more you start the same argument. You should have 3 different ideas,) They might have finally realised that that was definitely unethical so instead of killing them they sent them to the Fringes where they live a life that rivals bereavement. Filthy, scrawny, and depressed people lurk in the gloomy region of the Fringes. Doomed to a life of misery and depredation from birth, the deviations are treated worse than animals and left to die. Is this any better than killing them from the beginning? Most of them beg for death after a few years<span style="color: #f46901; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 110%; line-height: 115%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">;(Evidence for this sentence, i am sure this time. ) unable to bear the pains of their hardship any longer. <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 110%; line-height: 115%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">(Are they a little short?) <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 110%; line-height: 115%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">guneet:Yes. your body should be the longest part of your essay. :P you can extend your 2nd body paragraph by using a qoute to prove you evidence. 5. First Draft of your Essay 6. Peer Comments

Peer Comments: 1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay? 1.How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay? 1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary. 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending? 3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
 * Person 1 - Introduction Paragraph**
 * Person 2 - Body Paragraphs**
 * Person 3 - Concluding Paragraph**

7. Good Copy in MLA format

Group Members: - Soha - Guneet - Raghav